Vanessa

Every damn Christmas . The same feeling . Every year . Its not easy growing up in a broken family . Im not complaining . maybe its better this way . But then , I would like to know what it feels like to see your mom and dad in the same room , the whole family in the same room , not watching what we say . Close as ever . I havent had that certain feeling for about 7 years ? Yeah . Im not saying life now is bad . Im not saying I dont appreciate life and what I have right now . I dont know where Im going with this . But sure .

So what was I saying ? Uhh , about Christmas . The same damn feeling . Every night before Christmas , I'd turn off the light downstairs , and let the Christmas tree have its time of pride with its shining lights , and sit on the staircase , stare at the shining Christmas tree , and think . I think hard . About what ? Im not sure . Maybe I think about what have I done the whole year , mistakes I've made , just plain beautiful memories . I'd even cry . I dont know why , this deep thinking , only happens during Christmas . I adore Christmas . Its absolutely magical in some ways , even if Malaysia doesnt have snow . I believe in that (: