Abused .

Will everyone STOP abusing my kindness ? Doesn't anyone see how nice I've been , how tolerant I've been ? I'm tired . Honestly , I think I've made a huge mistake by being nice . Being the person who was always there for everyone else , being the person who gives her all in fixing problems that occur but not a single sign of appreciation . Not even a thank you . Shit . I can't wait to get away from all of this . No one understands . Everyone just decides to be selfish , to be unkind and not understanding . And before this , that was all fine by me . Until EVERYONE started doing it to me . I've made exceptions for my family , my friends . WHEN HAS ANYONE MADE THOSE EXCEPTIONS FOR ME . What about me . I might as well not exist since I'm being treated like this by people I love the most . THATS WHAT HURTS . I'm tired and pissed . Oh wait , NO ONE CARES ANYWAY . Motherfuck .

First world pains .

How long has it been dear blogspot ? Far too long I believe . So much has happened since my absence and I feel different . I'm growing up , drawing my own future , taking on new things , and definitely planning my next step in life after high school . I never imagined myself in the whole high school after-life . Don't you find it scary dear reader ? Unpredictable things are going to take place whenever God wants them to . I will admit it that I'm terrified . I'm not ready . I want to be that ol' school girl mummy sends and picks up everyday . I may be still want to be in high school . Just for the sake of feeling safe . I know its just high school but this place was where I spent my 5 years of my life discovering new things , taking on new heights . I don't want to leave but its life apparently . You can never stay at one place forever . I guess I'm gonna have to learn how to let go . Life will be giving me tons of lemons . Colourful ones I believe . And I'll just have to make the best of them . Leaving and letting go of things is scary , no ? 

Bestfriends for life I would say . One of them are missing and that Muzam . He's having issues smiling so... :)

Hello there , its me again .

Do you remember me ? I used to be part of your life . But then you disappeared and left me alone to figure things out on my own . I felt like Bella from New Moon when Edward left her . It felt like I had lost a part of me . An important part of me . I prayed everyday that you'd come back and one day , you finally did . But just for a little while with no explanation . I was never mad because I knew you have a life to live and who am I to ask . Slowly you started fading away , slipping away from my grasp . Thats when I knew my fairytale was about to end . I wanted to do everything to save it but I didn't know how . I still tried though but I don't think it helped in any way . I wonder , during that time that you were gone , did you find something else ? Something to your liking ? Because I'm still clueless . Its almost a year dear one . Just a little more to a year . If I could , I would go back to it all but I can't . I can only remember , replay all those conversations in my mind on a nonexistant screen . I want to go back to that time . I wish I could . But we all know we can't . So what do I do now ? Nothing feels okay anymore . And I'm feeling as scared as ever .

Someone just please teach me how to cope with all of this .

Update

I have never felt this alone before . Everyone's out having fun while I'm stuck home alone doing absolutely nothing . You would say that I should've been studying but would you if you were me ? Didn't think so . Sister is all obsessed with her new rich boyfriend , she hardly comes home anymore . Mums busy with work and all that grown up stuff . So I'm left alone to deal with the house and what not . Sometimes I feel like I don't want to come home at all when I'm out having fun . But i have my limitations , I assure you . Dad wont allow me to get my driving license before SPM cause he knows better to let me gain the skill of driving before the super important exam of my life . I'm already going out so much without a license . Just imagine me WITH a license . Ha-ha . But so far my life has been good . Just good . I've been spending loads of money lately . Ugh I can't believe my bank account is emptying its self so quickly . Refill please .

Tick tock .

I feel so colorless . Its as if my life was hardly even touched with color . But for the past few days , I've been thinking a lot really , about how I'm wasting my life by doing absolutely nothing out of the ordinary . Everyday its the same old schedule . Grandma passed away last Friday and it triggered something in me .Thinking how she herself wasted her life away , just waiting for her time to come . Its sad , really . Maybe we should be trying a little harder in pushing our limits . Theres no time left to waste . The clock is ticking .

R.I.P Liew Yin Lian . Forgive me for not being the best granddaughter . I deeply regret it . I love you .