Silent death

I dont get the concept of pain . Not that pain when you burn your finger . The feeling when you know the person you love , wont talk to you , wont even look at you with sincere and longing eyes , it hurts . It sucks . The whole story is based on never ending heartbreaks . Again , theres that moment where we try so hard just to make that special person happy , at the end we become tired of trying at something that would never work out , and finally everything just falls apart . Dont you think so ? Is that the only ending ? Really ? Yes . Thats the truth . But I dont know why , I never stopped trying . Loving someone doesnt mean you have to buy stuff for them just to make them happy . Remember the saying " Money cant buy happiness , friendship and love " ? . Loving someone means being there for them , try to understand them , care for them and sincerely have feelings for that certain someone . But whats so painful about loving someone sincerely ? The fact that sometimes , that certain someone is in trouble , you cant do a single thing about it and you feel absolutely helpless . Its very devastating . Very .

These days , you have the fake love , where when one individual confesses but the other party doesnt feel the same way , but accepts them anyway out of sheer pity . I've been through that . I have . the feeling of lying to someone , especially in these cases , is hell . Can you imagine how much hurt that person would be going through when they find out the truth ? Absolutely foolish . I dont understand why its so hard for someone to actually tell the truth that you dont feel the same way ? Why do you have to lead them on ? By telling them the truth , you'd be helping them to move on . Yeah , its hard to turn one down . But its better than lying to them and lying to your own self .

Right this moment , my heart is stirred up with theories , stories that dont even exist . I try to fool myself . but I honestly think , my heart is worn out after what happened in 2010 . Its not healed completely , nor is it strong like it was once before . I dont think it will be ready anytime soon . I can just feel it slowly dying . I honestly can . Somehow , it feels terrible and safe at the same time . Why .